Life's Broken Record
by criminalxxxmindsxxxfreak
Summary: For the past two centuries, Aidan's life has been on a never-ending cycle of bloodlust, violence and Bishop... It's about time he changed that. Oneshot. Implied Aidan/Bishop; Aidan/Josh pre-slash.


**A/N: This is the first "Being Human" fic I've ever written… I've been obsessed with the show since it premiered (on SyFy) and couldn't fight the urge to write something any longer…**

**It's set somewhere about early-season one. Before Josh meets Ray, before Josh is kidnapped for the 'dog' fight and the Dutch show up**

**WARNING: implied Aidan/Bishop; Aidan/Josh pre-slash**

**Opinions are much loved!**

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><p><em>LIFE'S BROKEN RECORD<em>

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><p><em>"My life was just an old routine,<br>Every day the same damn thing,  
>I couldn't even tell I was alive…"<br>_**~Jamey Johnson, "The High Cost of Living"**

Run through the motions. Reach the end. Rewind, reset. Press play and do it all over again. Aidan's life was stuck in the same every day patterns. Not even every day, really. Every decade, every year, every freaking _second_ was the same reliving. Wake up, go to work, pretend to be human. Fight with Bishop, fight who he knows he really is deep down, try to be there for Josh, for Sally. Help Rebecca when she has sense enough to ask…

Lose the battle against his inner self, his deep rooted nature. Turn to bloodlust and violence and sex and tides of blood… Wake up. Scrub away the evidence. Struggle harder to get back to that semi-decent existence of monotony. Stumble. Fall. Break just a little bit even though he hated to admit it. His crumbling resilience struck out against him. Bishop could tell. Bishop knew. He always did.

Bishop seemed to be able to sense when Aidan was beginning to stumble. It had been a pattern ever since he'd Turned him. He could go a decade or two in complete content at Bishop's side, but something would happen. Something always happened that reminded him of the humanity he still tried to cling to. And he would leave. He said it was for good, he told Bishop he was never coming back, but then he would slip. He would make a mistake, lose himself in the bloodlust as his willpower failed. And Bishop would show up, Bishop would be there. And before Aidan even realized what had happened, he would let Bishop back in. Sometimes even ask for him to come back…

And then they started all over again. Another ten or fifteen years and Aidan's guilt would come rushing back. He would leave again, to find that little bit of humanity that still remained inside of him. It had been almost two years since he'd left Bishop again. Two years, but he had already started to stumble again.

He'd thought, after meeting Josh, that this time would be better. In fact, he still told himself he wasn't going to go back this time. This time, it was different. He was different. He continued to believe that he could fight himself, stave off the urges that plagued him daily… He watched Josh struggle to be human, saw him hate himself for what he could never control. Josh pushed away everyone that could have ever meant anything to him, his parents… his own sister. He was terrified of them knowing what he was.

Aidan thought Josh was too hard on himself. Josh was a good person, he had never hurt anyone, not intentionally. He had. His past was riddled with massacre, tinged with blood… intertwined with violence and sex and denial and hate and all those powerful, deadly emotions that led him back to Bishop every time… Josh though, Josh fought with what he was day and night. He hated that he wasn't 'normal' but Aidan understood Josh's struggle. Aidan had been on that road many, many times. He stayed on it as long as he could, but something always happened. It never failed.

Rebecca had been a mistake, a horrible accident that he should've been able to prevent, but he had been weak, too weak to stop himself. And he called Bishop… Who else was he going to call? Not Josh. Josh would have been infuriated, disgusted. Maybe even frightened if he'd had to really come face to face with Aidan's true nature. Bishop knew what to do, or so he'd thought.

Well, Bishop _had_ known what to do. He did exactly what he knew would piss Aidan off. He'd Turned Rebecca. Not because he cared for the life that Aidan had snuffed out, he didn't even know Rebecca… He'd done it because he knew it would make Aidan angry. And if he was angry, he would be more likely to slip and need help again. Anger was a distraction; Rebecca was a weapon directed right at him.

Rewind. Reset. Replay. Redo. Repeat, repeat, repeat. Aidan truly did hate himself for the moments of weakness. He didn't want to need help; he didn't want to ask for help. But Josh, Josh… He sighed. Josh didn't deserve to have this thrusted on his shoulders. Aidan licked his lips, sitting in his car outside of Bishop's apartment. He knew as well as Marcus, who was standing guard at the door, that Bishop knew he was out there. Bishop always knew. But he wasn't coming out. He wanted Aidan to come to him.

Aidan didn't want to do that. He didn't want to let that last bit of pride go. He wanted to at least pretend that he was stronger than he really was. His fingers drummed against the leather of the steering wheel as he stared up toward the light in the upstairs window where he knew Bishop was likely watching him. Waiting for him to get out of the car and walk up to Marcus.

Aidan looked away, frowning in frustration and his eyes fell on the duffle bag under the passenger seat. Josh's duffle bag with Josh's clothes from the last time Aidan had picked him up after the full moon. He must've forgotten to get it out. Somehow, seeing Josh's clothes there made Aidan think twice about admitting defeat. About going in there and doing exactly what Bishop wanted him to do…

Somehow, the thought of Josh made it impossible to do something like that. He thought about all the things he still hadn't told Josh… About where he had been when he and Rebecca had been lost in a bloody haze of sex and lust and violence… About the lives he had taken before and since he'd met him. How disappointed would Josh be if he knew any of that? Aidan's knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.

Why was what Josh thought so important? Josh's opinion on his life shouldn't matter, should it? Josh was his best friend… Probably his only real friend if he was being honest with himself. Well… besides Sally, but did ghosts really count? But Josh wouldn't understand this. He'd never felt that incredibly hard to resist blood lust, never experienced Bishop's magnetic and somehow alluring personality…

But Josh understood what it meant to fight the monster that lived inside. He knew what it was like to be something …other. He knew how hard Aidan had worked to stay away from live blood… He knew Aidan had slipped, but he still believed that he could beat his inner demons. He still had faith in the humanity that Aidan so longed to regain. Maybe Josh's opinion did matter…

And if Josh believed in him, why shouldn't he believe in himself? Josh thought he could be better than that, thought he was better than that. For the first time in over two centuries, Aidan realized that his life didn't have to be stuck in the same never ending cycle. Because this time really was different. He'd never before had a person like Josh who truly thought he could be the master of his own life… Now he did. Now he had a reason to be better, a real reason.

He didn't look back as he drove away from Bishop's apartment. Away from what would be the end of his old cycle. And toward home. Toward Josh and Sally and the new family he'd managed to forge for himself. For once, he felt like his life didn't revolve around Bishop, blood, sex and violence. And he wasn't giving that up to go crawling back to Bishop.

Josh and Sally were watching TV when he got back. Some documentary Aidan remembered being on the night before. "Where were you?" Sally asked, "Out chomping down on some pretty little swim suit model?"

Aidan made a face at her, but couldn't help but to smile. "No, I just… I got a little distracted. Lost track of time."

"We saved you a seat," Josh said, motioning to the seat next to him on the couch. Aidan rolled his eyes and practically fell onto the seat between the two of them… Well, Sally wasn't really taking up a seat seeing as she's dead and all, but it seemed rude to sit _on _her. He laid his arms across the back of the couch, his left hand dangling over Josh's shoulder, and he smiled, closing his eyes for a minute. Josh gave him a confused look, but turned back to the TV without saying anything else.

Aidan quickly got bored of the show and snatched the remote from the werewolf, grinning at his pitiful attempts to get it back. "Aidan! I was watching that, c'mon!" Josh frowned, nearly pouting at the vampire.

Aidan shook his head, "You can't have it back without payment."

"What sort of payment?" Josh demanded, folding his arms over his chest.

Aidan tapped his chin with the remote and thought for a moment before grinning wide, thinking of something Danny had said when they'd first moved in. "A kiss."

Josh's arms fell and he made a face. "Keep the remote." He muttered.

Aidan laughed, "What, afraid of a little kiss?"

Sally perched on the arm of the couch, "If you do kiss him, can I watch?"

"You can't watch because I'm not kissing him. That's gross."

"Oh, right that's gross," Sally rolled her eyes. "But sitting in your room alone at night, masturbating to cheap porn, that's not gross."

Josh gave her a harsh look and stood up, "I'm going to bed."

"Come on, I thought you were watching that show, Josh!" Aidan called after him as he started up the stairs.

"Forget it Aidan. I'm not playing your twisted little games. I'm not kissing you."

Aidan smirked, leaning back against the couch, "Not yet he isn't," he said. "But give me a couple of weeks and he'll be begging for me…"

~END~

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><p><strong>AN: *crosses fingers* Hope you guys enjoyed it! This is the first time I've written a Being Human fic, hope it was alright!**

**DON'T FORGET TO REVIEW!**


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